Confessions of a Clueless Adult: Why Being Grown Up Is Overrated

They said adulthood meant wisdom, independence, and finally knowing how taxes work. They lied.

Truth is, no one knows what they’re doing — we’re just better at Googling stuff and hiding our panic under coffee cups and polite nods. From dressing professionally to pretending we know how to use a fax machine (what is that thing?), adulthood is a hilarious ride of trial, error, and utter nonsense.

Take laundry, for example. You’d think after 20+ years on this planet, we’d know how to separate whites from colors. And yet... the mystery of the one rogue red sock destroying your entire load still lives on. Pink underwear wasn’t part of the plan — but now it’s a fashion choice.

And don’t even get us started on small talk. We rehearse conversations in our heads like Broadway actors before asking someone if they’ve seen the weather today. Spoiler alert: they have. It’s raining. It’s always raining when you have no umbrella.

Then there’s the daily dance with technology. Somehow, we’re qualified to hold jobs and pay bills, but can't figure out why the Bluetooth won't connect unless we restart it, scream at it, and pray. Or why we’ve spent actual minutes trying to use a TV remote to change the volume on the microwave.

Let’s not forget the classic grocery store panic. You’re standing there, ready to swipe your card like a responsible adult, and the cashier says, “Do you have a rewards account?” Suddenly, your brain wipes itself clean. You don’t remember your phone number, name, or how language works. You just stand there, smiling like an NPC, until they wave you along.

And for those of us trying to “eat clean,” you deserve a standing ovation for googling “quinoa recipes” while eating Doritos.

Truth is, adulthood is a strange, hilarious contradiction. You can own a car but not know how to pop the hood. You can pay rent but forget your own ZIP code. You can hold a serious meeting on Zoom — and still have no idea where your left sock went.

So here’s to all the adults out there faking it ‘til they bake it, break it, or accidentally send a text to the wrong group chat. You’re doing great. Probably.